No More Holding Back

I had been keeping my foray into the plus size modelling world a fairly close-guarded secret. I am so used to getting a negative reaction to attempting to do anything – because fat people aren’t real people, or able to do the same things as everyone else – that I have been keeping it all under wraps, psyching myself up to endure the inevitable mocking, laughter, and disbelief.

But then I remembered that the whole reason I’m doing this is to increase my inner confidence, and inspire body confidence and positive body image in others.

So I have started telling people.
I’ve told friends, old and new.
I’ve spread my image and my personal insights across social media.
I’ve even created a mini portfolio and started contacting local photographers.

I’ve really put myself out there, and have been braced for the worst. Yet the response has been absolutely overwhelming, and, so far, ALL POSITIVE!!! People have been incredibly supportive and completely on-board with the notion. And, much to my disbelief, I already have a number of photographers lined up, eager to work with me! That has completely blown me away. That’s not just friends seeing the best in me, that’s professionals and experts seeing artistic merit and beauty in me. I mean, wow. Just wow.

My biggest fear has been to tell family, especially my mum. My mother is a big reason why I have body/size/weight issues in the first place. She’s always been overly-critical, heavily judgmental, and extremely negative. I’ve never felt good enough for her and she’s always been quick to put me down. I’ve had a lifetime of forced dieting, exercise regimes, and lectures about my weight and size.

Today I finally plucked up the courage to tell her. I was expecting mockery and derision at best, and my heart crushed and trampled over at worst. But to my utter amazement, she was actually very supportive! She was genuinely interested and, dare I say it, even slightly impressed! I’m still in shock and disbelief. No matter how we view our parents, or whether we get on with them or not, we always want their seal of approval. And today I got that approval.

So no more holding back. No more fearing the worst. I am going to stand tall and proud. Well, maybe not tall, being the short-arse that I am, but definitely proud! I’m also starting to believe that I might even get taken seriously as a plus size model and body positivity ambassador. It’s my dream to tour schools telling my story and inspire body confidence in the next generation. After getting my mother’s seal of approval, anything’s possible…

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