So I had a new concept put to me yesterday that has completely blown my mind: Be important to you.
I can understand the need to like yourself, love yourself, nurture yourself, even to recognise that you matter, but treat yourself as important – woahhhh! I mean, the dictionary definition of important is “of great significance or value”. How do I permit myself to feel that highly about myself, and treat myself that well?
I may be on my self-love journey, but I still feel I’m much closer to being a nobody than a somebody. If I believe I am important that means believing I am a somebody, and that feels like such an audacity. Who the hell do I think I am to believe I’m important. I matter yes, everybody matters, but important? I don’t feel important. I never have done.
When I was 10 days old, I was adopted. My existence wasn’t enough then to keep me and my mum together. When my dad kicked me out of the family home, my existence wasn’t enough to keep a roof over my head. When I was sexually assaulted my obvious lack of consent didn’t stop it from happening. Even when I gave birth to my daughter that important event wasn’t enough for anybody to be there.
So how do I go from a lifetime of being made to feel unloved, worthless, and insignificant, to suddenly deciding that I am important? There have been those few people I have mattered to; meant the world to even, but those people came and went. And if I’m going to believe I’m important, it has to be for me, it can’t be based on somebody telling me I am. I need to know and believe I’m important regardless of whether it’s reinforced by other people and situations or not.
But as it was also pointed out to me yesterday, I am my own boss; I don’t answer to anybody. Just like making the decision to love myself was down to me allowing myself to do so, feeling important to me is the same. And just like self-love, it’s a personal thing. I share my journey so that others can relate and hopefully be inspired, but ultimately it’s a change in mindset that nobody has to know about. I will flourish and continue to go from strength to strength, and grow into the best version of me.
I honestly think that learning to feel important will be a game-changer for me. It will help me stop letting all the insecurities creep in and consume me. It will help me hold my head up high in life. It will help me to want the best for myself in life and not settle for anything less. It is the missing piece to my jigsaw. With love and importance I can take on anything life throws at me and rise happy and victorious.
I am Michelle Marie and I am important.