Being a model is a dream I’ve held for many years, but one I always thought was unattainable. I mean, who wants to see a short, unpolished, chubby girl cavorting around on catwalk or in front of a camera?!
Unlike a lot of models, I am not interested in fashion, or hair, or make up. For me, modelling is all about inner confidence. I have battled Binge Eating Disorder from childhood. Along with the weight gain has come shame, guilt, and a very negative body image. Every day I face a silent, yet torturous battle with food. It is only in the last couple of years that I have even been able to admit to having an eating disorder. It’s still terrifying to say those words to myself, let alone to anyone else.
I was given a boudoir photoshoot as a birthday gift last year, and the second I stepped out in front of the camera, that was it; I was hooked! Despite being naturally shy I loved standing there in next to nothing, strutting my stuff in the studio! It was when I got the photos back and actually liked what I saw, that my whole mindset changed. Instead of constantly fighting my body and my weight, I should embrace it. Instead of feeling miserable over never living up to societal expectations of beauty and feeling like a failure for always succumbing to the grasps of the eating disorder, I decided to try to learn to love my body exactly the way it is; to try and see the best in it, to try and enjoy it.
Furthermore, I recently became a mum to a beautiful little girl, and I am determined that she will grow up to know that beauty comes from within, and can be wrapped up in all shapes and sizes. I need to be a role model to her and show that it is possible to feel sexy and confident in your own skin, no matter what.
So as of 2015, I have been pursuing my dream of being a plus size model. I want to be proud of what I look like and who I am. No more hiding my chocolate curves; it’s time to show them off!